Enjoy your St. Patrick's
day with these Irish Jokes.
guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach
together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I
will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.
Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a
fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all
eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming
The Englishman was amazed,
so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one
will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF!
there was a huge wall around England.
Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting
England so that nothing can get in or out."
Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
* * * * *
An aging man lived alone
in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who
would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received
this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried
At 4 A.M. the next
morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but
didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened
and asking him what to do next.
son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
* * * * *
Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy
and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick
developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his
buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked
to his friend's bedside and kneels.
ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one
last request fir ye to do."
burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done."
under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland.
Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground,
I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones
and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."
was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request,
he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey.
But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"
A man stumbles up to the
only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
of course," comes the reply.
first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
from Ireland," replies the second man.
first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another
round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.
the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
replies the second man.
again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in
"This is unbelievable!"
the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies
the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
* * * * *
An Irishman and an American
were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport.
come to meet my brother," said the Irishman. "He's due to fly in from
in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years".
you be able to recognize him?" asked the American.
sure I won't," said the Irishman, "after all, he's been away for a long
"I wonder if he'll
recognize you?" said the American.
course he will," said the Irishman. "Sure, an' I haven't been away at
* * * * *